The ire falls upon the land of the Pythirikans and as the mighty Zirkists start to conquer their territories. There is nothing left to do but to give in. The flesh of the blue-blooded Pythirikans shan't be blemished lest they raise an inch of their fingers. This would mean war. And the Pythirikans do not like war for their wives and children would be taken away and shall be staked alive. It has always been the duty of the men to protect the women and children of their own kind. Only of their own kind.

*blech* ewan ko ba kung san ko nakukuha tong mga ganto.. anyways,
*yawn* inaantok na ako. to be continued na nga lang. wala na din akong maisip eh.

I do not end my life today only because I'm curious about tomorrow. But if tomorrow never comes.. wth.

First and foremost, I would like to say that I do not write of happy thoughts but rather of tragic, painful and most agonizing memories. For once I have a happy thought, I enjoy reminiscing, replaying them over and over again, visualizing.. making them seemingly real rather than waste my time typing them down only to find out that the emotion is not strong enough for it to remain even just to have a glimpse at the last word of my sentence. Negative emotions are much stronger (I think) than that of its opposite.


Sometimes, when the wind blows, I do not hear it whisper your name. So I seek you but I cannot find you. Slowly, Death creeps its way to me, knowing that you are not here to protect me. I indulge in the offers he has given. All the pleasures, all that is good for the body, all that makes me materialistically happy, all that I honestly want, in exchange for just one thing. My soul. Shall I give it to him? Shall I give in? Shall I not wait for your return? I need you now. More than ever. Guide me. Protect me. I need that reassuring embrace, that smile which gives me hope, joy and comfort. Please understand. The words which I have spoken are not strange or new. It is simple. It has a subject and a predicate. It has a verb and a noun. I need you. It is plain. Simply means, yearning ang longing.


I need you..

It's not often that I love
But when I do, I give my all
So when you hurt me love
You don't have to text,
You don't have to call
I'll catch my own fall.

-the exlposion (is back!!)

Others might call their life a waste. Some say messy. My blog is all about my life and I call mine a zigzagged one. Life isn't really smooth. Who's is?

I just spent the day sleeping, eating, watching movies, the same old habits I have. It really doesn't matter what you do on the first day of the year. If you want to be more productive, you have to act on it and remember not to depend on the words "next year", "tomorrow" or "later". Oh, and if you're going to ask me, "When should I start on my diet so that I would follow it all throughout the year?" my answer would be, when you've already realized that you need to change something in you and you're ready to do/be it every waking second of the day. It all goes down to one's will power and how far he/she's willing to go.

Happy '09 everyone! ^.^


P.S. Yes, I am lazy and I don't think
I'm going to give that up just yet.
And sorry for my bad english.

When there's this horrible feeling inside of me I let it out through ridiculous statements, theories, poetry or catchy quotes. And when there's no pen and paper around, I use my phone! Since it has been there for at least, well probably, since I started this on August 2007, more than a year already I really have to delete it na.. I want to let it all go in memory of all the scratches and bruises I had from August 2007 to 2008. Oh, and don't be surprised if some are a bit weird, cheesy, annoying, dramatic slash emo slash senti, aggravating or gay. I guess I'm just that kind of person. Enjoy! (Whatever that means.)

*I am the wind. I cannot be seen but my presence is felt. Do you feel me?
(This was written because of my shyness and inferiority complex-ness. I like screaming with just my mind.)




*I am your shadow. I find it darn humorous that you seem to see me now. Did you finally turn on the light??
(Same as the one above.)




*Homosexuals are man's obvious evidences that they have a lack of self-contentment.
(I question myself all the time why I never feel satisfied, why I look all over the galaxy when the answer has always been in front of me..)




*Evidence makes people believe but if it is non-existent, then that is called faith.
(iBelieve.)




*When you expect the unexpected, does it mean that the unexpected becomes the expected? I'm seriously serious..
(Yes! I am the original author of this one. At least I think I am. I saw this Sterling notebook with so many logical quotes printed on its cover and one of its quotes included the aforementioned quote. I thought of that quote when I was in 4th year high school,probably on the third quarter of the school year. I saw the Sterling notebook one summer day before I started college. It completely shocked me! I mean, the words in the notebook were completely the same as to what I keyed in my phone. Well, except for the "I'm seriously serious part" because they didn't include it. To me, it's impossible to say that it's all a coincidence. And it has even spread through my college school too even though I never forwarded the quote to anyone in UPLB. Well, except those who are in my contact list. I sent it as as group message kasi. No, wait. I just realized. I forwarded this to Ate Roselle. She's included in my group message! I think I even remember that she group-messaged my quote too. Since she studies at UPLB, she might have been the one to spread it there. The heck. All I wanted to say is that if it's true that it really was Sterling's original quote, then boohoo to me. So I didn't think of it first afterall.. but I DID thought of it independently. Without any clue of its existence in this puny world. How brilliant of me then! (Nvm. I'm just probably depressed.) On the other hand, if it really wasn't Sterling's then please.. give some credit! Intellectual Property Rights people! It's hard enough to emote!! Whew. Mr. nerve just showed up. That wasn't very loooooooooong was it?)




*If only we could heal everything with a band aid..

.. then I'd buy you one.
(I wish someone would make some dramatic and touching line like this for me. Hehe.)




*All we have is..

.. a borrowed life.

So don't waste it.
(This realization was because of someone I know, but not really friends with. His name is Gel. I met him on the summer before 4th year high school. There was this science camp and we were on the same group, Uranium625, I think. Honestly, I didn't like him because I thought he was a major flirt. Haha. How judgmental of me. But the winds changed courses and I saw the different side of him, how so many people loved him and missed him sooo much.. and then I cried. Felt totally awful of course. He was supposed to graduate on the 27th of March, 2008 but it seems that God had different plans for him. He was cut short and experienced a very tragic death 19 days before he had the chance to finally take home his diploma. His dad is planning to build a “Gel Foundation” thingy because his dad wanted to "carry on the programs that Gel had dreamt of doing". His death was on provincial newspapers. Now that I've seen his side of the coin, I could say that he is a pretty big loss to the society. If you want to know more about him, just google Gene Noel Junatas or go to this link: http://www.visayandailystar.com/2008/March/14/topstory5.htm. He is an inspiration..)




*And if I was merely the person you needed,

.. I'd come right to you and hug you tight..

..and then cross out the word...

”merely”.




*You can't always count on me..

..i'm not a number.




*Do you believe in love at first sight?
I know I don't.
Because if it did exist, then how come when he finally noticed me, he never fell for me?
(Feeler, I know. Haha. Hey, it's my blog. Palag?!)




*It's too late for you to see
That it were supposed to be
You and me
'Coz now you've got somebody

And if I wanted you so badly,
I would've gotten you already.

-the explosion
(Especially dedicated to **** ****** but I guess that was long gone.)




*I act weird because I don't know how others see “normal”.



*Whenever my heart starts beating, I swallow my emotion. And then I don't feel anything again. No pain, no anger, no excitement, no nothing. I become ostentatious.




*Let them have all the guys...

..I never really cared for anyone anyway.
(The idea came from Celine Dion's song “Alone” which has a part that goes “I never really cared until I met you..” So, yea. I cut the “..until I met you..” part. Kudos!)





*I have been trying to learn everything and trying to be great in all things possible so I could be accepted but what I do not realize is that what I must really learn in life is the acceptance of rejection.
(Fear of rejection.. I'm trying to change that.)




*I really WANT to see each one of you smile..

..even if it means making a fool of myself.

If you could only see yourselves in the mirror..

..believe me, it's all worth it. ^_^
(I love making people laugh but sometimes it saddens me that I can't truly laugh with them. I don't really like making fun of myself. Who does?)




*It's boring to be everyone. It's uncool to be no one. It's tiring to be someone. Where do I go?
(On my social status..)




November 25, 2k8
*I feel so uninspired. My pen is but a feather unsharpened, out of ink.. blotting on my heart.. not a word spelled out.. Why? Is there anything or anyone in the world that can save a damsel in distress from Christopher Marlow's fate?
(I think I should just go back to reading books, noh?)




December 7, 2k8
*I had a bad dream.. about the guy that I once met before. About a guy with whom a friendship continues to bloom with because of texting. He texts me only after months have passed 'coz he'd say he'd been busy. Idc. Because when he does (text me), there's always this certain connection between us. A spark perhaps, as another might describe it.

Anyhow, it wouldn't be a nightmare if I wasn't gaga over him until now..but I am and it was.

Here's what happened:
After all the months that he'd stopped commenting on my friendster, finally (shockingly) did (comment). It was the worst comment ever and it contained a photograph. In the pic were three people. There was this girl on the left smiling eagerly (without a care in the world). He was there too, on the right-most showing off his dimpled-smile and then there was this girl in the middle. She was kissing him on the cheek! The girl in the middle was me.. kidding. Ouchies. So I figured he knew I liked him for commenting such a mushy comment to me!
(Wow. I forgot about this na.. No comment.)




December 20, 2k8
*Its not a sacrifice when it's not hard to let go.
(I don't get this much either.)


Side note: those with dates are the ones that I've saved on my new phone. There was this switching-of-phones event kasi. The ones that were saved on my old phone were immediately forwarded to my new phone nalang that's why they don't have dates (I didn't get to save them because I IMMEDIATELY deleted them). I don't want my parents or my older sister (who got my old phone) to know how emoish or senti or jerky I could be at times. Eeeeek! So I just tried to remember the original sequence of when I put them on my phone.

Go on.. leave a comment.
And oh, no haters please.


Welcome 2009!
^.^

It seems that there are new and interesting things (for me) that I picked up just this late part of the year and I guess I'll be carrying them through 2009.

First things first. I'm beginning to like the color gold. Yes, this shining, shimmering, sparkling colour. *But of course, violet has always been and will always be close to my heart. So, yea. I've not replaced it. I think I replaced red (which was a favorite color of mine, next to violet).* It catches my attention most of the time. All the shoes that I look for MUST have a gold color in it. And so this coming September 15, 2k9, which is coincidentally my birthday, you already know what to give me. Hihi.

Darn. I spoiled the next thing on my list! Haha. It's just that I found out that I'm actually addicted to footwear. Be it sandals, rubber shoes, stilettos, flats, chucks, you name it! I don't think having only 7 shirts and 3 pants in a week would even matter to me anymore as long as I've got many of those babies givin' me a sweet, sweet ride down the high road. (Right now, I'm especially obsessed with men's shoes: basketball, high tops, etc.) *Another side note: I like wearing guy clothes 'coz I feel cute in them. Haha.* Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Third Thing That I wanted Thu Thell you iTh That.. Nyehehe. Kidding. Well, it's basically (note: my ENG2 teacher sez that there's really no such word as "basically") just about me being a little more open to people yet being in control, limiting myself yet letting go of the mixture of emotions inside of me. Before, whenever I open up to people, it becomes a little too much. Actually, a lot of "too much". I overreact and overact on things that I shouldn't overreact and overact on. I finally am ready to show people this ridiculous blog. I posted a URL of this livejournal on my friendster account (http://profiles.friendster.com/13789293). Wow. Pretty big deal for me. I hope people would read my posts. That's another big deal for me. (No haters please. Hehe.)

Lastly, I am opening up my love life to some people I know. I had a problem kasi. I just want to thank Kuya Gem for the advice he's given me. Of all the things that I remembered in his messages, it's the "On feelings: Control not Suppress" part that really stick to my mind.

You see, I have a lot of crushes (And I really do mean A LOT). Your guy seatmate on one of your classes might be one of 'em. I'm not really a boy hunter or anything. It's just that I'm always hoping to find my "prince charming" in any of those guys that I know. I always tell myself not to close up on any guys, to be open-minded and open-hearted (whatever that is) because any one of them might be "the one". G? Anyway, I've met this guy who made me go crazy the same as how F***i made me crazy. Don't get me wrong, we've only met once but we really got close through texting. Well at least I think we did. And the things he does and says, I think it's only me that's giving it special meanings and stuff. Is this turning into self-pity? Haha. Disregard what I typed. Happy New Year to all!

This is pointless. My entry ends here.
=\

Clearly, none of it was my fault. I was just merely being me.. Nice, polite and childish. But I'm not saying that I blame my new 'ate' or him. I admit that I did watch it and somehow I did like it. Who cares if I'd confessed? Watching it and liking it is not really the main reason for the increase in my concern anyway. It's just that.. something's.. bothering me. After I watched the movie, I was not able to concentrate on the road where I walked, I paid the jeepney driver twice the normal amount, I keep on remembering scenes from the movie or the theme song of the movie (I even sang it, actually), I felt cold and sloppy and dark and engrossed and eerie and nonetheless hot.. like somehow, I was burning within but physically, I was cold. I didn't feel weak, of course, I could say by the way I held the ball while in play, stole a ball from the opponents or pass and shoot 'em. So again, I did not feel weak at all. It was just a strange feeling of the 'uncomfortable'.

I'm not saying the movie was bad. In fact, I'm even inviting you to watch it. It was a pretty good movie, actually. Not one of those super corny romantic comedies they usually make. I might say, perhaps, that I was even moved by it. (Okay, okay. I did cry.) So yeah. Watch it.

Arggh! I talked to my housemates after my long day has ended and they thought that I was in love. Yea, for real. They thought I was in love. Hahahahaha. Humor me. In love? Hahahahaha. It's really impossible. It couldn't be. Every time I remember a scene from the movie, I feel something in my tummy, like my stomach was churning and then suddenly, I'm not hungry anymore. Appetite lost. Poof. Gone. My gosh, I didn't even order ice cream when my housemates ordered. It was very unlikely of me to do so. I guess I'm quite astonished by how I acted that day (after watching the movie). Their theory is rejected and I plan to demolish it as soon as possible.

And then I smiled knowingly. I remembered his violet cap once more. I was satisfied.

Maybe it is true. Maybe.

But wait! Who am I kidding?! I don't want it to be true!! It's too.. painful. What do I do? What do I do? Am I panicking? Do I sound panicked to you??

The confessions are to be continued.